"F" is Not Failure

My favorite Peloton instructor, Robin Arzon, posted on her Instagram account about failing at a task she had been visualizing and training for and how she was striving to find the faith within the failure (see her IG post here).  

That really struck me because for as long as I can remember, an "F" always equated to failure: grades, losing a game, not measuring up, etc.  And sometimes, it really is that simple: the other team outscored you and you lost; you missed more questions on a test than you answered correctly.  These are very concrete examples of how sometimes, failing is failing.

But what struck me, is how sometimes failing is NOT failing.  You try something new and it doesn't go your way, did you fail?  Maybe in the simplistic meaning of the word, but didn't you also learn something?  Thomas Edison really hit the nail on the head when he said he didn't fail, he found thousands of ways to not make a lightbulb.  That is really powerful when you stop and think about it!

Sometimes we base our self-worth on how quickly we can master a new skill or achieve a goal, and if we don't measure up in the time allotted, we failed.  Instead of giving ourselves an "F" as in failure, maybe we give ourselves an "F' as in fortitude; we just continue to practice and learn.  

Give yourself the opportunity to redefine your "F" into Faith in yourself, Fortitude in your drive, and Fearlessness in pursuit of your dreams/hobbies.

How do you define your "F"?

Burnout: What is it?

Burnout, which is defined as an extreme form of stress, is characterized by “emotional fatigue, disengagement, irritability, and apathy related to the work environment” (Pendergast, et al., 2017).  Causes of burnout vary from person to person, but typically they can include pressure from an outside source (supervisors, friends, spouses/partners, children, etc.) as well as our own internal dialogue.   

 

Life is demanding, and many of us feel the need to meet all the demands always put on us.  We sacrifice ourselves for the greater good and demolish our own boundaries to achieve success in all areas of our lives.  The more we do this, the more our system begins to drain.  In my own personal experience, it was a trickle at first, so slight I barely noticed it and would just continue to push onward until suddenly it felt like running into a brick wall.  If you notice yourself more tired than normal after a usual day, patience running thin, and attitude shifts, you may be experiencing some of the warning signs of burnout.  

 

When these signs start becoming the new normal for you, it is good to stop and literally take a breath, breathe in and out.  Ask yourself what you must get done, what is good to get done, and what would be nice to get done; for example, getting dinner on the table is a must get done, and you must eat, however, going to a book club meeting is a nice to get done item. Once those categories are established, your to-do list becomes much more structured.  If you do not get all of the items on your “nice to get done” list, it is ok!  Give yourself permission to not be a superhero every single day.  Focus on what must get done and when you regain your balance, you can start adding those items from the “good to get done” and “nice to get done” lists slowly.

 

What do you do when you recognize the signs of burnout?

 

 

Ryan, S. V., von der Embse, N.P., Pendergast, L.L., Saeki, E., Segool, N., & Schwing, S. (2017).  Leaving the teaching profession: The role of teacher stress and educational accountability in policies on turnover intent.  Teaching and Teacher Education, 66, 1-11.

Let In the Light

Swept under the rug, the elephant in the room, bury it; we have all heard and (potentially) applied these phrases to negative things that have happened in life.  I am not here to tell you that utilizing the actions in one of those phrases is wrong, or that I have not done them myself.  What I am here to tell you is that they are not long-term solutions to any inconvenience or problem that may occur.

 

 

One of my defense mechanisms when it comes to handling situations that either a) upset me, b) embarrass me, or c) confuse me is to deal with it later.  I sweep it under the rug and put it in the deep recesses of my mind until I am ready to face it and deal with it.  I turn my attention to various other tasks (usually in the form of some household chore) and put all my effort into that to not think about The Problem.  Now, if I am with it, I will burn off my emotions with said household chore and it will have given me enough time to think and sort through what I want to do about The Problem.  If I happen to be human that day, I keep The Problem in that deep recess of my mind and let it fester and grow.  It morphs from The Problem to THE PROBLEM, and I have fed it my anxiety, my fear, and my negativity to get it there.  

 

 

The only way I have found to deal with this scenario is to eventually let in the light.  Instead of continuing to avoid The Problem/THE PROBLEM, I fully let it in and think about it.  I focus on what it is versus what I have now made it become.  I fight darkness with light, and that means I give it the spotlight it needs to shrink it back down to size.  I equate this to turning on your bedroom light when you had a bad dream as a kid; all of a sudden the monsters you thought were there, are gone.  Stop, breathe, and see what exactly The Problem is and why it has you upset.  

 

Albus Dumbledore said it best:

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

 

What strategies do you use to turn on the light?

Toxic Intake

A prominent part of every new mindfulness technique, self-care guide, and mental health awareness talks about toxicity and culling it from your life.  In the research I have read, it usually discusses the importance of boundaries with the negative influences in your life, be it that drama-filled friend, intense in-laws, or the clothes in your closet that you have yet to purge.  All of this is great advice and should be considered when you are reflecting on the traces of toxicity in your life.

 

However, there are other forms of toxic intake that are not as prominently discussed, and these traces get absorbed into your life by sight and sound: what you read, what you watch, and what you scroll.  I am a person that when in certain moods, I go all in, and this is the same personality trait that had me watching Criminal Minds for a ridiculous number of weekends while my husband was deployed the second time.  All of a sudden I started to become a little more negative, which was very unusual for my normally upbeat personality.  I was nervous to walk the dog alone, I would obsessively check my door locks...it was getting a little out of hand.  I remember talking to my mom on the phone and she gave me such a brilliant nugget of advice: “Stop watching that, put on something happy like Scooby-Doo (a personal favorite), and read something fun”.  I did exactly what she told me, and I became a whole new person; better yet, I became myself once more.

 

We absorb an incredible amount of information every day, and sometimes we need to re-evaluate what that information is doing to our mood and our inner voice.  If watching/reading the news is stressing you out, take a break.  If you scroll through social media and find yourself comparing your life to everyone you follow, take a break.  These kinds of toxic intake slowly erode your well-being and we tend not to notice until we are experiencing dramatic mood changes and it gets pointed out to us.  

 

Cutting the toxic out of your life might certainly mean that dramatic friend, but it also may mean limiting your exposure to negativity on a screen to a lower number until you regain your sense of self.  People say ignorance is bliss, and while I don’t want to be completely ignorant, I am a fan of having gaps in my information absorption.

 

How many of you have ever given up a form of social media?  How long did it last?  How did you feel?