What's a Boundary?

I think one of the benefits of my rule-following ways is that when I come across a boundary, I usually respect it pretty automatically.  I respect a person's personal space (physically and metaphorically) and genuinely want what they want.  Boundaries are good, it's good to say "no" once and a while and be confident in your decision to do so.

However, that being said, I am really really bad at setting boundaries for myself.  I think this has to do with me being a people pleaser and a desire to make others happy.  I always end up saying "yes"...yes I will volunteer for that, yes I will take on that extra duty, yes I will help you with whatever....yes, yes, yes.  Most of the time, I really like to roll that way, I love volunteering, I love baking/cooking something for an event, I love helping friends, etc.  

My problem is that I will "yes" my way right into feelings of exhaustion.  I ignore the warning signs and instead pay attention to the feelings of guilt I have if I start to even think about saying no and BAM! Hello feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted, and the need to hermit and hide from the world.

Does this sound like you too?

What I have been trying to do lately, is when a situation comes up and I feel the automatic urge to just say yes, I think about what advice would I give to a friend?  Would I encourage them to say yes, or would I encourage them to say no?  I have also come to the conclusion that saying "no" is not always a negative thing, sometimes you just need more of your own time rather than the hobby/person/thing you are about to commit to.

What are some ways you enact boundaries?  I am always interested in knowing more!

Burnout: What is it?

Burnout, which is defined as an extreme form of stress, is characterized by “emotional fatigue, disengagement, irritability, and apathy related to the work environment” (Pendergast, et al., 2017).  Causes of burnout vary from person to person, but typically they can include pressure from an outside source (supervisors, friends, spouses/partners, children, etc.) as well as our own internal dialogue.   

 

Life is demanding, and many of us feel the need to meet all the demands always put on us.  We sacrifice ourselves for the greater good and demolish our own boundaries to achieve success in all areas of our lives.  The more we do this, the more our system begins to drain.  In my own personal experience, it was a trickle at first, so slight I barely noticed it and would just continue to push onward until suddenly it felt like running into a brick wall.  If you notice yourself more tired than normal after a usual day, patience running thin, and attitude shifts, you may be experiencing some of the warning signs of burnout.  

 

When these signs start becoming the new normal for you, it is good to stop and literally take a breath, breathe in and out.  Ask yourself what you must get done, what is good to get done, and what would be nice to get done; for example, getting dinner on the table is a must get done, and you must eat, however, going to a book club meeting is a nice to get done item. Once those categories are established, your to-do list becomes much more structured.  If you do not get all of the items on your “nice to get done” list, it is ok!  Give yourself permission to not be a superhero every single day.  Focus on what must get done and when you regain your balance, you can start adding those items from the “good to get done” and “nice to get done” lists slowly.

 

What do you do when you recognize the signs of burnout?

 

 

Ryan, S. V., von der Embse, N.P., Pendergast, L.L., Saeki, E., Segool, N., & Schwing, S. (2017).  Leaving the teaching profession: The role of teacher stress and educational accountability in policies on turnover intent.  Teaching and Teacher Education, 66, 1-11.