Relationships are supposed to be 50/50; you each put in the work and dedication to make the relationship bloom and last. But there are times when putting in your 50 is just not possible; I’m talking about when life is throwing you all kinds of curveballs and you are at your wit's end.
Every relationship goes through periods of growth and expressing to your partner that you are running on empty presents an opportunity for growth. When I am overworked, overwhelmed, and feel like I am barely treading water, I will tell my husband “I need you to be 80% right now” and he responds with a “Not a problem, let me see your list and what I can take off it”. This was not always an automatic response as we had to learn it, I had to figure out how to tell him I needed help and he needed to figure out how to ask me what I needed without me adding that to my list to also figure out.
It sounds simple, but it's oddly complex. Asking your partner to take up some of your slack until you get your bearings is uncomfortable. I hated asking my husband for help at first because he also has a job, demands on his time, and a long to-do list. But I was not being a good partner if I couldn’t be honest with him about what I needed and I realized that feeling guilty for that was a complete waste of emotion and a way for me to stay in my frazzled state. My husband felt better taking a few items off my list and when I was able to breathe again, I would simply state “I’m good now, thank you for stepping in for me”. There are times when he tells me that he needs me to be 80% and I am totally good with stepping in until he feels better.
You aren’t asking your partner to now be 80% of the relationship all the time but asking for help and being honest with what you need is the first step to feeling better. Being a good partner means knowing what you need to get back to a calm state, and sometimes, that means being 80/20.
What are your thoughts on 80/20?
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