“Mindfulness” Has to Go

Mindfulness is a transformative quality—I truly believe that. I have seen what mindfulness can do firsthand in my work with college students, teachers, and others. It can bring focus, peace of mind, productivity, agency, calm, stress-reduction, and other positive change.

            I use the term in my teaching (I teach an undergraduate course called Mindfulness & Learning), in meditation workshops, and in my writing (dissertation, journal articles). I’m guilty of relying on the word since society has become so familiar with it. It’s purely for marketing reasons, I suppose.

            But I don’t like the word, “mindfulness.”

First, things are often lost in translation. The word, mindfulness, a practice originating within Buddhism in about 500 B.C.E. comes from the Sanskrit word, smrit, which means to remember.  Funny how that word is never associated with current notions of mindfulness. For instance, remember what? One’s cell phone number (good luck with that). 

Popular definitions of mindfulness generally describe it as a quality of present-moment, centered awareness or as mindfulness pioneer, Jon Kabat Zinn added, “paying attention on purpose” and in a “non-judgmental manner.” I particularly like Buddhist psychotherapist Miles Neale’s version, the idea that mindfulness gives us “recognition and choice.” This has an empowering ring.

            Maybe so many definitions have emerged around mindfulness because the word itself was not a good one to begin with in the West. Consider how it sounds: mind—ful. The mind is full of something, it’s occupied. That’s actually not it at all. 

A meditative mind is open, completely present—what Zen masters might call, no mind. 

But if we start calling it no-mind that doesn’t work either; people start thinking “hey, why would I want to go around without a mind. That doesn’t sound intelligent.”

Complicating matters is the word, mindfulness, has become pop-cultured thanks to capitalism. There are face creams, candles, dice, necklaces, pet food, and snacks—using the word “mindfulness” in some form. I’m personally not sure how eating bags of organic popcorn makes me more mindful (compared to eating something else), though I do enjoy it.

So what do we call this quality? What do we do about this word?

I think if we trace “mindfulness’ back to its roots, the Buddha’s significant contribution to the world was the practice of “watching.” He taught to watch the breath, to watch the sensations in the body, to watch when walking, eating, doing daily chores, to watch emotions arise and fall. To increase awareness, we develop the skill or quality of watchfulness.

The late meditation master and controversial guru, Osho, used the term, witnessing. For example, when meditating, simply sit and witness the breath, witness the thoughts without evaluating. That seems to be more of what we are doing when we practice “mindfulness.” 

We are watching or witnessing our inner dimension—without judgement—so we can know ourselves, be centered, and less reactive.

Maybe as time goes on, we will adopt a new word, a new way of describing this quality. Maybe I need to change the titles of my courses, my trainings, my future book—who knows? Let’s just watch and see what happens.

-Steve

To chat with Steve more about mindfulness and not mindfulness, please email him here.  Thank you Steve for talking with us about this topic!

Change of Scenery

 One of the prominent tips I have come across is utilizing movement in mindfulness practice.  Now that can look super regimented by a scheduled fitness class you attend weekly, a dog walk, weight lifting, etc.  However, I have found that we need movement in our work schedules as well as our off schedules, but how do we fit that in while at work?

Incorporating movement into your life sounds a little intense, and kind of like a job or chore that must be done.  Instead, I like to think of it as changing my scenery.  On your lunch and weather permitting, go outside and breathe in the fresh air and the sunshine, take a ten-minute break to walk a lap around the building, get a stand-up desk, even walk to the bathroom.  These are little ways that break up your day and give you a chance to get the blood flowing and change your scenery, even for a few minutes.  

Changing your scenery gives you the chance to mentally (and physically) step away from what you're working on and gain perspective.  When I have a problem that I am working through, I like to step away from it and think about it without it staring me in the face.  Even if that is just walking a lap or two around the kitchen table; it gives me the space to regroup and start again.  Doing this when you don't have a problem is just as effective; we all need to step away for a minute and give ourselves the chance to regroup, breathe in different air, and have a new perspective.

How do you utilize changing your scenery?

*Next week we will have a guest on the blog!  My friend Steve will be joining us and talking about what mindfulness means to him!  Make sure you stop by and check it out! 

Here is a little about him:

Steve is an assistant professor of education at Wesleyan College in Macon, Georgia. His scholarship involves embedding meditation and mindfulness practices into teacher education and higher education. His current research focuses on introducing brief meditation with college students prior to instruction as a way to prepare the mind for learning, de-stress, and build community. Personally, Steve has been a meditator for 26 years.

Write It Down

According to research everywhere, journaling is a tool that you can use to help make sense of all thoughts and feelings that you have on anything and everything.  It gives you a sense of ownership over your thoughts and feelings, can help you put things into perspective, and help you face those harder feelings.  It is a form of expression that can also be recognized as a form of healing and purging.

 

That being said, I usually fall flat on journaling.  I will be dedicated about it when things are stressful or chaotic; I am the type of person that likes to face things and by writing them down, I can do that.  But when my life is in balance or more under control, the journaling typically stops.  Does this sound like you?

 

One of the many benefits of mindfulness is that there are so many different tricks and tactics!  You do not have to be constantly practicing all of them, simultaneously, at all times.  For me, when things are under control, I have no idea what to journal about; what I ate for breakfast?  How the dog walk went?  Why I most definitely need that coffee mug that is shaped like an elephant?  Probably not; I don’t need to purge about those things or face them or really think about them in a deeper way.  But, when I am stressed, and my brain feels too cluttered and I can’t make sense of anything, I write it down.  I journal about it, lay it all out, and then look at it again.  Occasionally, the simple act of getting the jumble out of my head and onto the page solves most of my issues, other times, it allows me to mull it over in a more orderly fashion.  

 

Don’t be afraid to journal and write things down; you don’t have to have perfect grammar or sentence structure; you just need to vent it out.  At the same time, if journaling is not your thing, that is more than okay!  Mindfulness is not a one-size-fits-all because no one is an exact copy of another.

 

Does journaling help you?

When You Need to Detach

     One of the things my husband and I like to do together is listen to a book on Audible, either together or separately, and have discussions about it.  The types of books he is drawn to are leadership books, books on strategy, and books by military leaders.  To be honest, I'm not super interested in battle strategies or recounts of success by military leaders (some, but not all) and he is not going to have any interest in my Outlander adventure; but, leadership is something that is critical in his line of work and something I hope to also have an impact in.  Leadership books it is!  

    We started with Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin and that was so good we moved right into Leadership Strategies and Tactics by Jocko.  His books were encouraging, motivating, eye-opening, and very pleasant to listen to (anyone who listens to audiobooks understands how important that is).   I was fascinated by his notion of "detaching" from the situation and immediately recognized it as something I do not do very well.

    I am an emotionally based person, I feel with my whole self, am very empathetic, and anyone who is around me can usually tell how I'm feeling by looking at me.  I wouldn't say emotions drive my decisions, but they are a factor.  Even with communicating with my husband, he detaches and focuses on the issue, and I don't quite operate that way.  After listening to Jocko's two books, I decided that this is something I wanted to work on; how to take a step back from the situation, and analyze it more critically versus emotionally.  

    I would be misleading if I said this is something that has been a snap, in fact, quite the opposite.  It is something that I actively have to incorporate into my life when situations don't go as I want them to or unexpected chaos pops up that I have to handle.  But, I do find that when I detach successfully, I find the mental energy spent on the angst of emotions actually goes into handling the situation itself.  In my goal of finding mindfulness and being resilient, this notion of detaching is something I am going to continue to work into my regime.

Do you detach?  Does it help you analyze situations more clearly?

*I have also enrolled in the Women's Assembly from Echelon Front (the organization Jocko and Leif have built) and they give a free one-hour seminar on different tactics once a month.  If you are interested, you can find their website here for more information*

Let In the Light

Swept under the rug, the elephant in the room, bury it; we have all heard and (potentially) applied these phrases to negative things that have happened in life.  I am not here to tell you that utilizing the actions in one of those phrases is wrong, or that I have not done them myself.  What I am here to tell you is that they are not long-term solutions to any inconvenience or problem that may occur.

 

 

One of my defense mechanisms when it comes to handling situations that either a) upset me, b) embarrass me, or c) confuse me is to deal with it later.  I sweep it under the rug and put it in the deep recesses of my mind until I am ready to face it and deal with it.  I turn my attention to various other tasks (usually in the form of some household chore) and put all my effort into that to not think about The Problem.  Now, if I am with it, I will burn off my emotions with said household chore and it will have given me enough time to think and sort through what I want to do about The Problem.  If I happen to be human that day, I keep The Problem in that deep recess of my mind and let it fester and grow.  It morphs from The Problem to THE PROBLEM, and I have fed it my anxiety, my fear, and my negativity to get it there.  

 

 

The only way I have found to deal with this scenario is to eventually let in the light.  Instead of continuing to avoid The Problem/THE PROBLEM, I fully let it in and think about it.  I focus on what it is versus what I have now made it become.  I fight darkness with light, and that means I give it the spotlight it needs to shrink it back down to size.  I equate this to turning on your bedroom light when you had a bad dream as a kid; all of a sudden the monsters you thought were there, are gone.  Stop, breathe, and see what exactly The Problem is and why it has you upset.  

 

Albus Dumbledore said it best:

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

 

What strategies do you use to turn on the light?

Balance: Attainable or Barely?

“Balance” is one of those terms you hear all the time: balanced diet, balanced exercise, work-home balance, etc.  I find this word super easy to say, and yet the concept to be difficult to handle.  Achieving balance for me is easy: I notice what is off-kilter in my life, make an action plan, and then act.  And for a few weeks, all is well balanced and running so smoothly; it’s wonderful.

 

And then my husband has a surprise field exercise for a week, the dogs get sick, other commitments creep into my life, and then before I can even realize it, I am off balance…again.  Does anyone else find themselves in a similar cycle?  

 

The good news about this whole finding/regaining balance issue is that we are all human and this is just part of life as a human.  When you are struggling to find your balance, take heart in that!  Balance is something that is attainable, but that will ebb and flow with the calm or chaos of life.  It is meant to be gotten, lost, re-assessed, and achieved once more.  When your balance is lost for the moment, take five seconds to take five deep breaths and remind yourself that 1.) this too shall pass, 2.) things will not stay in this current situation forever, and 3.) you found your balance before, so you will do it again.  Trust and believe in yourself to embrace the chaos and straighten it out in time.  Sometimes the more we fight or dwell on something, the longer it will take us to achieve the desired effect.  Acknowledge the craziness and then trust that you will find calm once again.

 

What are some tips and tricks you use to get back your balance?

What’s Your Love Language?

Until a few years ago, I had never thought of love languages as anything, but the languages derived from Latin such as Spanish or French (these are in fact romance languages, not love languages…the things you learn).  It turns out love languages is not only a book, quiz, and fascinating topic, it is an eye-opener.

 

Being the constant learner I am, I made my husband and I take the love language quiz (I googled one online, there are several).  My highest score for Receiving love was Quality of Time and my highest score for Giving love was Acts of Service.  What an epiphany!  I thought back to the little squabbles and tiffs my husband and I have had over the years and some of them now gave me so much clarity, it was like I was just given an answer key to a test.  I would always get upset when he would be preoccupied with work when we spent time together, or when we had intended to do lunch, but our lunch spot was closed, and he decided to just head into work.  It wasn’t the actual lack of lunch that bothered me or that he would get calls when we were together, but it was the quality of the time we spent together that bothered me.  When I explained this to him, he too had an epiphany.  

 

Part of having mindfulness in your relationship is understanding what makes your partner tick and love languages are part of that tick.  Now that my husband knows that I value quality of time, he can plan/act accordingly to make sure I don’t feel slighted or dismissed.  His highest score for Receiving love is gifts, so I can drop off his favorite snack at the office or grab something I know he likes to satisfy his love language.

 

Knowing your own and your partner's love language is not meant to stress you out, it is simply another tool to put in your toolbox to NOT stress you out.  This is simply another way to know your partner and understand why they get upset over certain things or why they seem to appreciate random things a little extra.  After all, if knowing your partners love language eliminates some stress or unwanted tiffles; isn’t that worth it?

 

Do you know your love language?